Khary Bello at the boardinghouse window. Morning. Tattered side city. Scattered sky clouds. Small hunger. No voices. August. Streetside, shoes cracked, he walked. Each day the same. Walk the old districts for a small job for a small coin.
This is really well written, particularly the way you strip out unnecessary words - is that called asyndeton? Is it going to end up as a fantasy/imaginative fiction? I think that would be a shame - I like it as it is - a sort of downbeat magic realism I think - Oh yeah and 'redscream on their faces' sounds like something out of Blood Meridian and there is no higher praise than that in my house
"An inauspicious visionary." A gritty, powerful piece Victor. You break the rules with your structure and pound meaning into every word. I always drop what I'm doing when I see a post from you.
Simply happy to arrive at this moment of delight reading the "flotsam and jetson" of your stream-of consciousness. It is precisely the unstructured (breaking rules) pieces left from the shipwreck of life than helps some stay afloat. Thank you for sharing your gift!
Hi Elva and thanks for the wonderful note. What a nice thing to say. I hope all is well with you and that you're getting some writing down. All the best!
![Dynamic Creed [Oddified Fiction]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_36,h_36,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F0e1033d7-484e-4f07-8ca4-9f5e73fde2ba_500x500.png)
This is really well written, particularly the way you strip out unnecessary words - is that called asyndeton? Is it going to end up as a fantasy/imaginative fiction? I think that would be a shame - I like it as it is - a sort of downbeat magic realism I think - Oh yeah and 'redscream on their faces' sounds like something out of Blood Meridian and there is no higher praise than that in my house
Thank you Nibbins for reading and your comment. And I guess I don't know what that's called. I just do it. Maybe I'll look it up and see :)
A whole universe packed into a handful of tight paragraphs. No parts wasted. Nicely done.
Yes, my dystopian universes. Fun! Thanks for reading and your comment, Mike.
Quality
Thank you DB for reading and commenting! All the best to you.
"An inauspicious visionary." A gritty, powerful piece Victor. You break the rules with your structure and pound meaning into every word. I always drop what I'm doing when I see a post from you.
Thanks Jim, what a wonderful comment. I appreciate it a lot. And yep, guess I'm a rule breaker. Thanks for reading friend!
I really enjoyed this, Victor! Felt a little different than some of your others.
Hey Brian, thanks for reading and commenting. Glad you enjoyed it friend.
Hello Victor
Simply happy to arrive at this moment of delight reading the "flotsam and jetson" of your stream-of consciousness. It is precisely the unstructured (breaking rules) pieces left from the shipwreck of life than helps some stay afloat. Thank you for sharing your gift!
Hi Elva and thanks for the wonderful note. What a nice thing to say. I hope all is well with you and that you're getting some writing down. All the best!