Khary Bello at the boardinghouse window. Morning. Tattered side city. Scattered sky clouds. Small hunger. No voices. August. Streetside, shoes cracked, he walked. Each day the same. Walk the old districts for a small job for a small coin.
This is really well written, particularly the way you strip out unnecessary words - is that called asyndeton? Is it going to end up as a fantasy/imaginative fiction? I think that would be a shame - I like it as it is - a sort of downbeat magic realism I think - Oh yeah and 'redscream on their faces' sounds like something out of Blood Meridian and there is no higher praise than that in my house
A whole universe packed into a handful of tight paragraphs. No parts wasted. Nicely done.
"An inauspicious visionary." A gritty, powerful piece Victor. You break the rules with your structure and pound meaning into every word. I always drop what I'm doing when I see a post from you.
I really enjoyed this, Victor! Felt a little different than some of your others.
Simply happy to arrive at this moment of delight reading the "flotsam and jetson" of your stream-of consciousness. It is precisely the unstructured (breaking rules) pieces left from the shipwreck of life than helps some stay afloat. Thank you for sharing your gift!