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nibbins the cat's avatar

This is really well written, particularly the way you strip out unnecessary words - is that called asyndeton? Is it going to end up as a fantasy/imaginative fiction? I think that would be a shame - I like it as it is - a sort of downbeat magic realism I think - Oh yeah and 'redscream on their faces' sounds like something out of Blood Meridian and there is no higher praise than that in my house

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Mike Leavy's avatar

A whole universe packed into a handful of tight paragraphs. No parts wasted. Nicely done.

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