Every morning, Indians. As I wait for the bus, a coffee in my hand, Indians. Chief wears newspapers and duct tape. I’m unclear what we’ve done. Or if I’m guilty.
I'm glad you let this one out of his cage. He's an unpredictable beast of a story.
As usual, I read with admiration for the sentence structure, the imagery, the metaphor, the humor and the dead serious-message. Another thought-provoking jewel, Victor!
I just read this and said to the no one in my room, “I don’t want to live on this planet any more." Such despair! I actually dripped one tear. But what gets me mostly are:
The contemporary truths:
“I’m unclear what we’ve done. Or if I’m guilty.” / “We don’t say what our eyes see.” / “TV: A slop trough of lies.”
And the bizarre lines that somehow fit: "Wife puts a napkin on our cat. “Stay,” she says." / "I can count birds."
And the odd grammar: "Let’s eat a corn." / "Reporters knock the door" / "They belong punished."
You have something to say, Victor, and Sharron is listening. A mí me parece un talento tremendo.
This is a really potent piece of writing. I like how reasonable the narrator is throughout - rational, non-commitally curious, not belligerent at all, but closed off. I'm curious about the role of the wife as guide and chastiser - what does this say about femininity, insight, and understanding violation? I don't want to suggest that women are inherently kind - far from it - but what is it that women know? I was also very struck by the simile for the immigrant's stare, "like a bell boy without a tip", when the protagonist just goes ahead clumsily, fearlessly making his enquiries, oblivious to the analytic and emotional muscle of the man under scrutiny.
I hope it's not too tedious having the spell of your writing so clunkily (and possibly inaccurately) broken down. I really admire your poetic directness - it's very compelling and I always want to see my way back to the core ideas. Thanks for sharing this.
Social Progress at the Bus Stop
I'm glad you let this one out of his cage. He's an unpredictable beast of a story.
As usual, I read with admiration for the sentence structure, the imagery, the metaphor, the humor and the dead serious-message. Another thought-provoking jewel, Victor!
I just read this and said to the no one in my room, “I don’t want to live on this planet any more." Such despair! I actually dripped one tear. But what gets me mostly are:
The contemporary truths:
“I’m unclear what we’ve done. Or if I’m guilty.” / “We don’t say what our eyes see.” / “TV: A slop trough of lies.”
And the bizarre lines that somehow fit: "Wife puts a napkin on our cat. “Stay,” she says." / "I can count birds."
And the odd grammar: "Let’s eat a corn." / "Reporters knock the door" / "They belong punished."
You have something to say, Victor, and Sharron is listening. A mí me parece un talento tremendo.
This is a really potent piece of writing. I like how reasonable the narrator is throughout - rational, non-commitally curious, not belligerent at all, but closed off. I'm curious about the role of the wife as guide and chastiser - what does this say about femininity, insight, and understanding violation? I don't want to suggest that women are inherently kind - far from it - but what is it that women know? I was also very struck by the simile for the immigrant's stare, "like a bell boy without a tip", when the protagonist just goes ahead clumsily, fearlessly making his enquiries, oblivious to the analytic and emotional muscle of the man under scrutiny.
I hope it's not too tedious having the spell of your writing so clunkily (and possibly inaccurately) broken down. I really admire your poetic directness - it's very compelling and I always want to see my way back to the core ideas. Thanks for sharing this.
Fantástica!!
I admire your writing, Victor. 39 Boys on Ground should be here Friday. Looking forward to it! : )
Jim, downstairs, , stole my thoughts and feelings!
I did manage to kept my big smile on my face. THAT no one can take away! Thank you!
You have woven another amazing tapestry with this one, Victor. Setting it free was definitely the right call.
The pleasure of your writs is all mine!